Happy Birthday to Me

Feeling more love than old today.

Thank you.

Happy Birthday, Charlie

Today is Charlie's 8 month birthday. Happy birthday angel-baby. You look at me with those blue eyes like I am the most wonderful thing you have ever seen, every morning! You are curious and strong, funny and snuggly, and patient and clear. I know babies transform from easy to challenging overnight but I have faith that the solid old soul that is rolling around inside of you will remain.

I worry, as I am want to do, that I am missing your early months, me with a new job, you with that big brother of yours, but want you to know that I love you and think about you all the time. I can't wait for our summer vacation when we can spend time letting the breeze tickle us and the sun kiss us and time embrace us.

Happy birthday, angel-baby.

Ouch.

I got on the treadmill for a half an hour yesterday and am in such pain today! Need to get back into WW; I get lazy and overeat, drink and skip the gym. And the thing is, I know I am happier when I'm in shape! It's just that the road to get there looks so different this time. I am doing the Blueprint Cleanse in two weeks; have booked mini training sessions at NYSC (half an hour so it s cheaper and I can shower and get back to work.) So now I need to find the resolve and the discipline to stick with this course of action.

There is no amount of money (not that there is much to spare) that will buy me resolve.

That darned 25%

Yet another person in my closer circle's marriage is dissolving. The sharing of this fact on Saturday night over many bottles of wine on a votive lit front porch in the leafy surrounds of Philadelphia with my husband and our dear friends prompted the following question:

What percentage of the time do you get it "right" in your marriage?

I struggled between low 70's to 75%. I know when I screw up, speak harshly, misplace frustration, bottle and blow up with anger, but I also know when I get it right. We laugh a lot more these days. The 3.5 year old is a handful and it is bringing out a lot of things in me that are not all flattering. The baby is golden and my savior. Jacob Harold of the Hewlett Foundation has spoken of the "silver standard" in regards to Nonprofit organizations striving for the “gold standard” of evidence-based research on outcomes and social impact whenever possible. When that’s impossible, however, they should aim for the “silver standard” of targeted organizational performance and proxy information. However wonky a way to look at one's marraige that is, it resonates. We would love to say that we are the "gold standard" of couples, but that would not be supported by the evidence.

I turn 36 next week, my roots have lost their dye, I still have a bunch of baby weight to drop (now 8 months later!) but for 75% of the time I feel a member of the closest, smartest crime fighting duo around. The other 25% of the time, I can be unkind to my best friend and I know it. It will be 8 years of marriage in September and the balance of our years together will be approximately 14 years. I've never been good at numbers but so far we are on the together side of the 50% of marriages end in divorce and holding strong.

And we’ll keep striving for that “silver standard” …

You are not alone ...

So Michael Jackson's passing reminded me how happy I am not to be in TV anymore. First, although sad that he died young leaving small children, I have felt largely agnostic about the whole event. Even my empathy button was left unpushed and I quietly began to ask close friends if they felt the same.

By and large, most folks liked his music, my sister had an obsession with Thriller, and I have fond memories of dancing around the bunk at sleepaway camp to Rockin Robin, but had no desire to watch the public grieving on TV. Pedophile or trapped in a golden cage, the life of MJ did not capture my attention so it is logical that the death would follow suit. I will admit one thing though; when the story first started to hit twitter, I was glued to feed, like I used to be to the AP wire at work,it was a creepy but familiar rush to see who would confirm the lead first, double sourcing and slamming it out.

And then I went home to the boys.