Diet

So I went to the doctor for strange pelvic pain, had a sonogram and nothing ... and it has resolved. The unfortunate/but necessary by-product of the ordeal, I got on a scale for the first time in months. WOW... so now I am on a diet. Can't help thinking my fertility is compromised by my fat. And then I am scared of dropping too much weight at one time, as I am want to do... it is all or nothing with me, for fear of also impacting the chances that I get pregnant. So here I am in fertility purgatory. I've lost a few lbs since Monday - like 3 ish - and already feel better. I have not started exercising, I stopped drinking during the week and yes, I am planning to take a day off for super bowl ... wings, beer, etc ... not so good for the diet.

I am going to try to get out and run in the mornings ... once it gets a little lighter out... and grab a yoga class... start slow and hopefully get knocked up!

Calgon ...

I could have sworn today was Wednesday... a dear friend sent me pics from her vacation to Punta Mita, Mexico. I wish I could get away!

Perfect ...

1. Skinny jeans/genes
2. Clean laundry/house/child/nails/hair/shirt
3. Praised & Valued at work/home/family/self
4. Friends & Laughter
5. Sleep/Health
6. 3 day work week/long weekends with Son/Sun

Must be Monday.

Two reasons

to live in NYC... one, I am waiting for the bodega on 96th & WEA to deliver me cold meds... two, if I changed the name of my blog to Ovulation Cycles... it might be read. Day 2 Cycle 3, Btw.

lunch

Had lunch with two friends from two jobs ago today ... one was me, as in , I lured her from TV into Outward Bound ... I left and she stayed. I miss public school ed reform. I love what I do, but I miss having a concrete mission ... I don't miss raising money. Boy, I don't. It was good to see them. I think I was bad at that job, mostly because I know SO much more now then I ever did then. The lack of knowledge is startling. Malpractice, practically. 

Happy Birthday Elizabeth

This morning I awoke to an e-invitation to my birthmother's 50th birthday party. Just a reminder of how if you do the math, and I am 34 ... that she was 16 when she brought me into this world. Amazing.

The cruelest words ...

When you wish upon a star ...

So last entry, I wished for spa ... and I awoke Sunday to orders from my husband to get dressed and be ready to go by 9:15 am. He had booked the following for me at the Chopra Spa (Deepack, Baby!):

Vishesh (vi-shesh) Treatment
A powerful tension relieving treatment, this invigorating choreographed massage incorporates classic Abhyanga therapy with deeper strokes to clear and detoxify the channels of circulation. The experience begins with light to medium pressure and then progresses to firmer, deeper, slower strokes designed to release physical and emotional toxins.

It was amazing ... after we had lunch at Landmark. What a perfect surprise to make up for a week from hell (bruised baby, sick nanny, husband out of town ...) if it were not for the perpetual cold I have been nursing, I would say life is perfect ... oh, and if I could only get pregnant.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day ....

and I'm feeling a little stuffy, like I am coming down with a cold. My husband comes home from his business trip tonight! Thank G-D!!!!!!

I need a little ... spaahhhh

Sometimes you wake up with puffy eyes ...

the kind you get from crying your eyes out all night, after a teenage romance falls apart. I did not cry ALL night, just for about 15 minutes while talking to my sister about my day. I had to drop my son at emergency day care since my nanny has a serious infection that has her laid up for  few days. It was the first time I had ever left him in a strange place with strangers and I spent the better part of the day worrying, taking advice on how best to cope and knowing intellectually that he was fine, that I was the child feeling left alone, not him. I picked him up at 5 pm, the appointed time, and yes, he was a little wild, disheveled and sleep deprived, but in one piece and did not want to leave! As I was packing him up, he fell. Not a little ooopsy fall, but went from standing and landed on his cheekbone on the edge of the cubbies. His face instantly blew up and went purple and red. I struggled to get out of the day care center to rapid inquiries (CYA) as to who was watching him when it happened. I WAS! A whole day of worrying and I was the problem! 

We rushed out onto 50th & 6th and of course there were no cabs at 5 pm ... there were a whole line of black cars waiting for the brokers from Lehman to come out and the dispatcher saw my panic and my son's face and marshaled a car.  The driver would not take any money as he discharged us at the pediatrician, so I had to force a $20 on him. Long story short, my little boy is horribly bruised, take a month to heal bruised, but nothing is broken. Except me, a little. I know these things happen, but last night, once he had gone to sleep, I called my sister and cried. Hard. Nose full of snot. Gasping for air. And now I have those eyes, the ones that say, I have not cried like that in years, only this time I know the heartbreak of seeing your son hurt will happen again and again, and I will have these eyes. 

I'm sad ...

Max skipped his nap today and went to sleep at ten to six. He usually goes to bed at 7:30 p so I missed seeing him! Also stressed that this will screw up his sleep the night before the big interview and had to be all "cool" about this with my nanny... not make her feel like she screwed up by skipping his nap. She knew I was pissed, kept emphasizing how much fun he was having at CMOM and she did not have the heart to make him go home and nap. I expect this first bit of sleep will be a nap and I will see him around 9 pm when I am well into my glass(es) of wine. I feel like a brat, but one) I really wanted time to play and two) he needed of all days for this to be a normal one so that he does not wake up a terror for the big nursery school interview. It is our first choice for pete's sake! Ugh... perhaps I am just practicing a little transference... I am stressed about this interview and he will likely wake up sunshiney and have a great day ... stay tuned.

Today, I am amazed at the balance ...

I got my son up, had a breakfast meeting, had a very energizing work conference call/meeting... all without coffee... and feel jazzed to power through the rest of the day. My office closes at 3 pm and I have a date with my post-partum doula. We check in every few months and it is always a joy to spend time with her. The weekend starts soon and although a chunk of it will be spent with my son at a nursery school playgroup/interview ... I am ready for family time. I am always hungering for nanny free, uninterrupted play by Friday. Bring it on!

sick sick sick

My son is sick, I am sick ... I hate this ... I  need a sick day, just to catch up on sleep and get better. I cannot afford to feel this crummy for more than 24 hours. Just won't work... and we have a nursery school interview on Sunday!!! Yikes.