Time

Time has been flying lately. Work has taken on a life of its own. It feels great, but hectic.

The kids are so big.

Gone are the hours of introspection and blogging, now I am just lucky to string 140 characters together.

I am so behind on this blog, my other blog, the running associated with said blog.

I have another half marathon in September, so I will start officially training for it in June.

The not so lazy days of summer await.

Beautiful Boy(s)

It took me only two nights to start and finish David Sheff's Beautiful Boy. I cried most of the second, that being last night, and it is sticking with me. More than anything, for a mother of two delicious boys, it is a gut wrenching book not simply about crystal meth addiction, but rather the paralyzing fear that no matter what you do you cannot keep your babies safe.

Harrowing. Being a parent on a day to day basis is more about routine and consistency and then along comes a book like Beautiful Boy that reminds you that underneath nursery school, play dates and snuggling up for books before bed, is an electric current hum buzzing "all is not predictable." One week it is staples in the head to close a wound, next week Motrin for the fever ... but honestly, when they go off and are faced with choices whose consequences are literally life or death, as Sheff excruciatingly details, there is so little you can really do to predict the outcome. 

Control is something that governs discrete portions of my life. High performing at work, relentlessly demanding the best for my kids, devouring research and news both personal and professional, yet struggling to get to the gym, enjoying too much cheese and wine and forever seeking balance. I know we have a predisposition for addiction  somewhere swimming in the soup of our gene pool. The boys are still so young but I know I will look up from my routine life and they will be at risk, put there by the very nature I have worked so hard to create in them: curiosity, confidence and creativity ... and I will reflect on Sheff's experience, hopefully, and do what I can to safely scaffold my own Beautiful Boy(s) as they seek to explore and escape routines and predictability. Gulp. 

List making so that I can focus on what I really need to do

While waiting for some feedback at work I have decided to make lists:

Things that are distracting me TODAY, maybe even just this moment, but here we go:

diapers.com storewide sales, electronic coupons and the fastest delivery ever
theminisocial.com one of those discount members only shopping sites but just high end kids brands
paperlesspost.com was introduced to this yesterday and have already sent out Charlie's birthday brunch invite and will send Max's birthday party invite out shortly.
@PopTech a friend consults for them and she is one of the smartest ladies I know ... it is no wonder ... they are web casting live right now
blueprintcleanse.com just finished my third yesterday and am carefully eating my way through today
tipsyparson.com cannot wait to go to friends and family tomorrow night at Julie's new place

Ok, back to work.

Home

Got in last night from Chicago where I attended a great conference. Charlie seems huge and I would know because I thought it would be a great idea to wake him when I got in at 10 pm. Silly mommy. He finally stopped crying around 11:45 pm and Max woke up at 5 am declaring that he was no longer tired and could he please have his light turned on and be provided a book. Um... really? Could I be anymore tired?

This afternoon our new nanny (who I love) took Charlie to his first solo music class while Max was in school. When she asked if she could make playdates with the other children, it took me time to process the fact that Charlie might like to have some friends of his own.

Poor second child with mad rhythm.

Measure This!

"If we really want to do work that makes a difference...then we have to know whether it's working. And if you really do it well, you don't only want to know what works; you want to know how it works." -- Rockefeller Foundation president Judith Rodin ("For Good,Measure." New York Times Magazine 3/09/08)

Just not so sure how I feel about this ... the pro-measurables movement often makes me nervous. I have been in the identity building field and have been asked to assess success for donors and it is very hard, bordering on junk science. Yet, have been told that it is better to make it up than say that we don't know. I do not believe that. Some things defy the ruler, some things just are transformative without needing statistics.