Yet another person in my closer circle's marriage is dissolving. The sharing of this fact on Saturday night over many bottles of wine on a votive lit front porch in the leafy surrounds of Philadelphia with my husband and our dear friends prompted the following question:
What percentage of the time do you get it "right" in your marriage?
I struggled between low 70's to 75%. I know when I screw up, speak harshly, misplace frustration, bottle and blow up with anger, but I also know when I get it right. We laugh a lot more these days. The 3.5 year old is a handful and it is bringing out a lot of things in me that are not all flattering. The baby is golden and my savior. Jacob Harold of the Hewlett Foundation has spoken of the "silver standard" in regards to Nonprofit organizations striving for the “gold standard” of evidence-based research on outcomes and social impact whenever possible. When that’s impossible, however, they should aim for the “silver standard” of targeted organizational performance and proxy information. However wonky a way to look at one's marraige that is, it resonates. We would love to say that we are the "gold standard" of couples, but that would not be supported by the evidence.
I turn 36 next week, my roots have lost their dye, I still have a bunch of baby weight to drop (now 8 months later!) but for 75% of the time I feel a member of the closest, smartest crime fighting duo around. The other 25% of the time, I can be unkind to my best friend and I know it. It will be 8 years of marriage in September and the balance of our years together will be approximately 14 years. I've never been good at numbers but so far we are on the together side of the 50% of marriages end in divorce and holding strong.
And we’ll keep striving for that “silver standard” …
